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A wife finds out that:
1. Her husband has been arrested on the charge of murdering an unknown child.
2. Her husband has had an extra-marital affair.
What would be a typical reaction in the first case, and what would be a typical reaction in the second case?
Why the difference?
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Please comment in the following format, so that it is easier to consolidate:
Reaction - Case 1:
Reaction - Case 2:
Why the difference:
case - 1
ReplyDeleteThe first reaction of any typical wife on such occasion is first the shock, then quickly defend her husband like someone possessed, argue her throat out with the authorities, try to get help, gather the children around and play the role of the protector.
case - 2
Well! Well! God alone should save such a situation. All the emotions of shock, anger, helplessness, melancholy, self pity, agony, a feeling of being let down, rush through her.
Though at the outset,a feeling of shock is experienced in both the cases, the difference is that she takes up the role of a rescuer in the first and in the second, she feels victimised.
She is more aggressive in the second case because it is her life and her relationship and her security that have become shaky
case 1
ReplyDeleteI would want to defend my husband as every other Indian wife if he has done some other mistakes but not for this,, I would say killing a child which just cant be forgiven. So gotta face the law and accept the judgement,,,
case 2
On this my comment is if my husband has affair with some other person there should be some thing wrong from my part..I would get angry but before any action of mine i would try to find my mistakes where did i go wrong to let him do this..
Case 1
ReplyDeleteThe wife would never accept the fact that her husband has done such a thing. She is convinced that he has been implicated wrongly and vindictively. Her husband is an innocent soul who would never stoop so low as to kill an unborn child is her staunch conviction, and she goes all out to defend him.She tries to portray to the world that her husband is 'Ram'and has been falsely accused. She stand as a 'rock ' in defense of her great husband and what not......
case 2
ReplyDeleteGod forbid a man who has an extra marital affair. The woman feels cheated, betrayed and what not. He won't be forgiven, he will be inundated with curses and abusive language.
The whole family will sympathise with her, the kids are made to believe that the man is bad, their views about the 'father' is influenced.
The woman would stop doing her duties towards him, she is constantly in tears, depriving everybody in the family of a normal day! Constantly he is accused for no fault of his, he is looked at suspiciously, etc etc....
Emal's comments:
ReplyDeleteReaction - Case 1: Shocked, Confused and Scared
Reaction - Case 2: Betrayed, Cheated and Depressed
Why the difference: In the 1st case she may not feel cheated upon the person whom she trusted but yes, she may get shocked confused or even angry, but she will try to figure out what happen in the 1st place. She will think what would have pushed him to do this. She may wait patiently to talk to him.
In 2nd case she will feel that husband has cheated on her by not being honest to her. She may not even like to listen to him or trust him anymore. She will lose her patience assuming that he has this relationship from donna how long. She may not appreciate dis-honesty.
1. Obviously the woman defends her husband and doesnt believe the allegation.
ReplyDelete2. She believes the allegation and starts hating her husband for his 'alleged' bad character..
why this difference:
A 'typical' woman can trust her husband on everything when it comes to household, work etc..
All that time, he is treated as HER HUSBAND. The moment, there is the smoke of extra-marital affair, he is treated as any other MAN!
Case 1
ReplyDeleteShocked,denial,disbelief,confusion and the thought of reputation and of disruption it could cause in their lives.
Case 2
Betryal,anger,hatred,rational jealousy,inadequacy,shame,conflict of reactions and the decisions
Shock, disbelief and denial are felt in both the cases. In first case she stands with him through thick and thin with the belief that the man whom she has trusted can never commit such heinous crime.
In the second one she is the victim of his irrational behaviour. No forgiveness for breach of trust as it involves her life directly.
case 1
ReplyDeleteThe wife should neither accept nor defend her husband's crime till his charge is proved.
case 2
The wife should understand that her husband will only go for extra martial affair only if he is missing something from her.
DEEPA's comments:
ReplyDeleteReaction - Case 1: She would experience two feelings of equal intensity -
on one hand intrigued as to why he resorted to an extreme act of violence
like murder, and on the other, extremely impatient to known the identity of
the unknown child (could it be related to her husband?) In reaction, she
would only breakdown inconsolably for not being able to find any answers.
Reaction - Case 2: If she finds out that he has had an extra-marital
affair, the wife would feel sure the child murdered could be a product of
the extra-marital affair her husband has had. As a reaction, she would
desert him not wanting to do anything with him anymore.
Very interesting to see the comments. Keep it going team. :)
ReplyDeletecase-1 shock, disbelief,denial,immediate defence.
ReplyDeletecase 2;shock, hatred,letdown,cheated,introspection.
1;after the initial reaction,she should not make any hasty moves.though defence will come naturally.she will wait till the verdict comes out before judging herself.she might be pushed 2 think that whatever the justification,by doing thisact, he should not have taken the law in 2 his hands.
case 2;there will be utter shock, disbelief,feeling breach of commitment,and what follows is a series of emotional melodrama,without,verification of facts.
though shock and disbelief may be common reactions in both cases, in the first case she may not act hastily, but; [here comes the difference]in the 2nd instance she may do so bcos marriage means so much to her,may feel her life is over and the sky has fallen on her bcos here the issue is personal and involves her life. as the initial reaction subsides she may feel asense of brooding , probing, inadequacy,looking @herself ,self rejection etc.which might not hav happened in the 1st instance.
Veena Ashwath's comments:
ReplyDeleteReaction case 1 -Typical reaction of the wife would be absolute denial in the first case.
Reaction case 2- Typical reaction of the wife would be disbelief.
Why the difference- In first case wife is certain her husband cannot commit murder as she knows his character.
In the second case she cannot rule out the possibilities of extra-maritial affair of her husband as she cannot trust him totally on this subject.
Veena Aswath
Reaction case1- Unbelivable;shocked;little angry
ReplyDeleteReaction Case2- Closed communication; betrayed; cheated.
Why the difference: In case 1 relationship of husband & wife is stronger the victim is stranger. Still wife would like to protect husband.
In case 2 indicence happen between husband wife relationship & shaken their trust piller. Expectation is more in this relationship & trust & confidence are the pillar of this relationship. So outcome of the reaction will be more intense.
Reaction Case 1: Shock, anger, panicky but would do the best to defend her husband.
ReplyDeleteReaction Case 2: Shocked, betrayed, unhappy shattered and certain amount of realization that something was going wrong in the marriage which she was unaware of until now.
The differnce: In the first case for instance, no woman would instantly believe that her husband would stoop to a level of killing a child and in the second case, since expectation of loyalty is higher, the reaction is extreme.
First instance
ReplyDeleteHatred and feeling of ungratefulness as the wife would feel that the husband has no feelings for a child. We must realize that children will always be children and they have to be given all the love and care which they are due
Second instance
Shocked betrayed unhappy and shattered as the wife would feel that it was a failure on her part for not giving the love that her husband was seeking from her.
However we must realize the psyche of most men ( even though I am a man myself) always find the neighbour's wife prettier. The wife would have to work extra hard to create that love feeling that her husband wants from her.
Case 1
ReplyDeleteThe first reaction is of fear. How and why did the police suspect her husband
Case 2
A feeling of betrayal in spite of loving him and doing her best why did he need to have an affair
Why the difference? Both the cases concern her husband in the first case she know her husband well and will not suspect him of committing a crime. In the second case in spite of doing her best he has betrayed her.
Preethi
ReplyDeleteCase 1
The first reaction would be obviously shock & confused state of mind whether to accept this or not.....
Case 2
A feel of shame & helpness on one side and angry, develops a hatredness towards him finally a unforgiveness thought.
The difference:In first case she did not loose her hope & still beleived n thought it may be or may not be his fault. In second case she totally got some kind of aversion towards him,she lost a sense of belonging......
Reaction Case 1: The wife adorns the role of a protector.
ReplyDeleteComment: However, murdering a child, is an unpardonable crime. The wife who supports such a heinous crime does not deserve to be called a mother. Perhaps the lady has momentarily forgotten that the child murdered could be hers. If such is the case, would she forgive the person who did that? Normal reaction of being the protector is not acceptable, even though her conjugal love (towards her husband) overrides her sensitivities as a mother, just because the murdered child was not hers.
Reaction Case 2: The wife would tend to play a victim here, whether justified or not. Mostly society blames the husband :)
Comment: She probably did not notice the deterioration of the relationship, for which either (or both) partners were responsible. Extra-marital relationships are a result of poor understanding between spouses.
~d
Ratamala's comments:
ReplyDeleteCase 1 - Is it true? How is is possible? I dont believe it. Needs to be enquired more.
Case 2 - Talking to husband and then to his relatives.
Difference: In the first case, incident is unexpected. In second case the incident happens gradually in a definite way.
~Ratnamala
Case 1.
ReplyDeleteTypical reaction - is anyone who hears something like that would be shocked.
Then either one has to accept and support the husband or disown him as he has done such a dasterdly act.
Case 2.
When one hears about her husband cheating on her the reactions will be anger, hurt, a feeling of betrayal, cheated, used, taken for granted etc. etc.
The difference:
The difference between the two is due to:
There is no committtment in the first and there ius a specific committment in the second.
So there is a general betrayal in the first but there is a specific betrayal in the second.
In the first case it is the betrayal against the society and in the second it is the betrayal against the person in particular that is the wife.
- poornima